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Finish the Sentence Friday

join us for Finish the Sentence Friday

Welcome to Finish The Sentence Friday (FTSF #4), where we give you a sentence and you finish it (however long or short you’d like). Write a post and link it up, or if you don’t blog, feel free to finish the sentence in the comments for everyone to see.

Please Follow Your Hosts:

Janine @ Janine’s Confessions of a Mommyaholic
Kate @ Can I Get Another Bottle of Whine with My Morning Quiet Time

And, your co-hosts:
Stephanie @ Mommy, For Real
Dawn @ Dawn’s Disaster

The sentence for this week:

“When I was younger, I tried…”

So, here goes, yet again, for Finish the Sentence Friday…

Red Faded to Black

When I was younger, I tried so hard to be older than I really was. Who would have thought, then, that as an adult, I would wish to be younger again.

I really didn’t enjoy most of my childhood for reasons I have yet to discuss in my blog. I was always doing *dumb* things to act older than I was. It didn’t really matter what I was doing, as long as it made me appear ‘older.’

So, I have provided a list of things I did when I was younger, to try and appear much older than I truly was. Most of these experiences happened before I reached puberty.

L'eggs

the famous pantyhose in an egg

  • Remember when L’eggs pantyhose came in those little plastic egg containers? Yeah, those egg halves were my first set of breasts. I wanted boobs, so I would stick the egg halves in my training bra, one piece in each cup, even though it caused me to have one boob that was bigger than the other. I cursed my adulthood as a child, because today, I still have one boob bigger than the other! 
  • I was already shaving my legs before my mother gave me the ‘OK’ to do so. Instead of waiting for my mom to help me, I chose to do it myself and left a deep gouge in my leg as a result. Hiding that shit from Mom was quite a feat!
  • I chopped off my bangs when I was five years old, because Mom was getting ready to trim my long, beautiful blonde hair. I thought I would help her out when she received a phone call. Needless to say, this did not help me ‘grow up’ faster. It only caused my mom to chop off all my tresses so that I had a boy hair-do.
  • In junior high, I wanted braces because I did not have perfectly straight teeth. My parents preferred to pay tuition to keep us in private schools, so braces were not in the family budget. I thought having a retainer looked ‘cool’, so I made my own retainer out of a large, metal paperclip. It worked, until another student at school told me to show her my ‘retainer’ because she didn’t think it looked real.
  • As a little girl, I loved babies. If a woman at church had a new baby, chances are I was chasing her around begging to hold her precious little cargo. Even at the age of 5, I would eagerly nod my head and try to convince the new mother that I would NEVER drop her baby. I think that was also the age I asked my mom when I could have a baby of my own (out of the mouths of babes, right?). I’m surprised she didn’t veer the car into oncoming traffic that day from shock. She did let me start babysitting when I was 12 years old, though, after being allowed to work in the church nursery for a year.
  • When I was around 8 years old, I convinced my 7-year old brother that we needed to pack our clothes in a garbage bag and run away from home. So, we each packed one garbage bag of clothes and took off on our bicycles with our freedom in sight. That didn’t work because we ran as far as our grandparents’ church, where my grandpa happened to be doing yard work. He just sent us right back home. To meet the Monster Ass Whooper (my mom and her spankings…I still have nightmares from that shit).
  • As a teenager, I wanted someone who I could love that would love me back. That resulted in Baby #1, who was born a few weeks before my 17th birthday.
  • As a teenager, I wanted someone who I could love that would love me back. That resulted in Baby #2, who was born just after I turned 18.
  • I started smoking cigarettes when I was 15. Those boobs I wanted so badly? I had enough to make up for two females by this age (not to mention, I looked much older than 15). I could go into any store and buy cigarettes as a teenager.
  • I had my first apartment before I got pregnant with my second child. I was 17 years old.

I think you are getting the picture…I was a very twisted, crazy little girl.

I mean, I really wanted to grow up too fast.

Today? I am finding out that I don’t want to grow any older. I miss the teenage years and high school (especially now that I am friends on Facebook with the cool, popular kids that didn’t want to be my friends back then). I went to a very cliquey high school, and many of the kids came from rich families. There were generally a few types of groups to choose from:

  • The rich kids, who wore Guess jeans and drove a Cadillac to school.
  • The computer nerds, who were the brains and earned high GPAs.
  • The ‘stoners’, well, they are obvious. They were the ones who skipped school, hung around outside the back door smoking their cigarettes between classes, and did plenty of weekend drinking and recreational drugs.
  • The geeks. PERIOD. No explanation is needed on this one.

Not me, I was trailer trash from the ONLY trailer park that has ever graced the map of Richland, Michigan. And, while I had a high GPA, I was not dedicated enough to be a computer nerd. And, while I had a high GPA, I was not rich enough to wear Guess jeans and drive a Cadillac to school. And, while I had a high GPA, I was not dorky enough to fit in with the geeks. And, while I had a high GPA, I finally lost that high GPA because I was getting high (introducing marijuana) with the only group who truly accepted me – The Stoners!!!

Not exactly a healthy way to ‘grow up’ quickly, that’s for sure!

If you like my blog, I would be forever grateful if you took a moment to vote for me at Top Mommy Blogs. I know I am definitely not a ‘top mommy’, but I am a mommy. Is that good enough?

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