New Year’s resolutions? HA! I gave up on those a long time ago. Resolutions are like promises…THEY’RE EASILY BROKEN.
Thinking back to some of my earlier New Year’s resolutions, I thought I’d share with you how a few of them turned out.
- Get back to my high school weight – a month of salads, miles of walking, and the hated ‘Buns of Steel’ (this was way before Jillian Michaels) led me to a week-long binge of Nutty Bars and Ho-Ho’s. Sorry, but I love my chocolate FAIL.
- Quit smoking cigarettes – I smoked my last cigarette before I went to bed, which was not midnight on New Year’s Day, but more like 3 a.m. I was working a job that forced us to work that day. I made it to lunch and spent my half hour break going to the store for another pack of cigarettes. I justified it by reminding myself that I had already smoked for three hours into the New Year. FAIL.
To NOT take in anymore dogs – I had two dogs at the beginning of last year. I now have five. That worked really well. And the biggest one has the worst freaking farts I’ve smelled since my ex-husband’s. STINKY FAIL.
- To remain celibate until marriage – Wait a minute, I resolved the New Year’s before to never get married again (but, miracles could happen, right?). So, I changed my resolution to ‘remain celibate as long as I can’ and succeeded to make it exactly three and a half months, when I met my next loser boyfriend. FAIL.
- Exes are exes for a reason and should stay exes – so far, so good, but does a former FWB count? SEMI-FAIL?
- To bite my tongue more often – hmm…that lasted about three days when I was heading to work, and another driver passed me and then hit his brakes quick and turned into the gas station just ahead (no blinker either…dumbass). EPIC FAIL.
- To finally finish college – graduation is this May. I think I can, I think I can. FAILURE STILL PENDING.
I have come to one conclusion. No one is good at everything. Change is a never-ending process. The more resolutions I set for myself, the more I intentionally set myself up for disappointing failures.
The more I try to control things, the more my Higher Power laughs and shakes my world up and says,
Ha! Ha! Nice try! Start over and see if you can do better this time.