One of my rescue dogs is in heat, so the two male rescues have been acting like totally anal, especially the Yorkie, Pookie.
Pookie is no joke. He is a sweet and lovable dog. He loves to snuggle or lay on your lap. Until there is a bitch in heat. Since the one in heat is so much bigger than Pookie, he tries to hump her, with no success. He will stay right next to her at all times until she is no longer in heat (he’s done this before). He’s not even acting like his normal self.
However, Buddha is plenty big enough to handle her. And, yesterday, handle her he did. I swear, one second they were no where near each other, and the next, he was locked inside of her. I tried to pull them apart, with no luck. I had someplace I had to be, so I left them like that, butt-to-butt, stuck together.
Buddha hadn’t had enough. Last night, sure enough, Buddha did it again. He got stuck inside her again. I was trying to cook dinner and kept running into The Horny Trio. My roommate was laughing about it when The Teenager came walking into the kitchen.
I’ve had my share of ‘sex ed’ conversations with my kids, so they are no strangers to hearing about penises and vaginae. The Teenager had never seen two dogs get stuck together, so he found it quite amusing, because the two dogs were trying to walk and drag each other around, but it was a difficult task for them. I was unprepared for The Teenager to start asking questions.
The Teenager: Mom, what’s up with the dogs?
Jennifer: (small chuckle) What do you think is wrong with them?
The Teenager: I don’t know, Girlie-Girl sounds like she’s hurt. Wait, what the – - oh, my God, are they doing what I think they’re doing?
Jennifer: I don’t know. What do you THINK they are doing?
The Teenager: Um – - are they, um – - are they having SEX? (his voice is barely audible)
(This is the moment when my roommate starts laughing like it was the first time he’d laughed all day. I shot him a dirty look to let him know he was on thin ice, so he’d better not say something stupid and break that ice.)
Jennifer: Why yes, John, yes they are. I tried to push him away from her, but he was too quick.
The Teenager: What the – - make them stop!
Jennifer: (another small chuckle) Don’t you think I’ve already tried that?
(Then, The Teenager felt the need to include his little brother in the family affair.)
The Teenager: Keegan! Come here!
Keegan: (from down the hallway) What? I’m busy!
The Teenager: Keegan, hurry up! You gotta come here and see this!
Keegan: *loud sigh and roll of eyes as he walks into the room* What!
The Teenager: Look at Girlie-Girl and Buddha.
Keegan: *another loud sigh and roll of eyes as he looks at the dogs* Um – - Mom, what’s wrong with Girlie-Girl and Buddha?
(Now, The Teenager and the roommate were both laughing. I was trying hard to keep a straight face.)
Jennifer: What do you THINK is wrong with them?
Keegan: I don’t know…it looks like his, um – - his, you know, is stuck in here, um…
(Now, everyone is laughing at Keegan. He doesn’t like that very much and glared at all of us.)
Keegan: Mom, are they having sex?
Jennifer: Yes, Keegan, they were having sex until I tried to shoo Buddha away, unsuccessfully.
(Keegan watches the dogs for a moment. It was obvious he was in deep thought.)
Keegan: Eww…that’s how they do it?
Jennifer: No, not exactly. He was humping her like normal, but when I tried to get him to stop, he turned away from her and got his leg stuck on top of this mess.
Keegan: Eww…why won’t they stop.
Jennifer: They’re trying, but it’s probably going to take a few minutes. He’s stuck there until his penis goes limp.
(Keegan looks at me in surprise and starts laughing. We tried pouring cold water on them and pulling on them, but nothing worked.)
Keegan: Mom, are they going to be ok?
Jennifer: Yes, they will be ok. Give them ten minutes or so, and they will be able to pull apart.
The Teenager: Mom, you know Girlie-Girl is going to end up pregnant, don’t you?
(a moment’s pause)
Keegan: Mom, has that ever happened to you?
HUH? Out of the mouths of babes. Luckily, Keegan lost interest at this point and wanted to return to playing video games, leaving us in hysterical laughter.
How do you handle talking to your kids about sex? Do you keep it politically correct? Or do you use pet names for body parts? I’m curious how others handle this topic with their kids.
Leave a comment, and if you have a funny story to tell, I’d love to hear about it. And, since we’re on the topic, go check out Julie Deneen’s post about kids finding their parents’ sex toys that was published right before I finished writing this post.
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